I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
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