just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
