i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
