Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
