They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
