I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
