There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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