I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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