What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
