I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
The air taste purple.
Randomize
