God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
