so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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