also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
