She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
