READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
