Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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