"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
