is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
