I'm eating all of the evidence.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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