He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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