then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
