dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
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you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
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What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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