Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
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My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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