It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
