just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
