when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
