I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
