Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
