if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
