You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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