You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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