When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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