The maid of honor just puked.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
