I wanna passion pit in your ass
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
