Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
