I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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