"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
