I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
