you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
