Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
