I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
