Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
