the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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