He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
