Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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