dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
