Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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