you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
