I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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