Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so explain again why im purple
no
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
