I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
