OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
