I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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