and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You're a waste of cheezeits
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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