you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
