Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
