one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
