Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize