my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
