I accidentally burped into my bong.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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