i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
