I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
