If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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