She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
