And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
