Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
