while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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