just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
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You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
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Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize