just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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