You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
