I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
