i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
